Am I an Imposter at the UWI?

Picture a final year sixth form student gearing up, all excited, to leave high school to go to University. They've finally completed their CAPE exams that they would have preferred not to do (lol) and it's time for them to pursue higher education and to live that 'College life'. I know it isn't hard for you to picture because this has been the reality for most Caribbean students. It was the same for me. Being the guineapigs of almost every change that has happened (for example the introduction of Math and English SBAs), we were now the first set of students to experience all of our first year of University, fully online. Yes, Rona (Covid-19) did not come to play! Personally, I was kinda sad. Who wouldn't want to experience going on the huge UWI Campus after a long summer and greeting your high school friends like you've not seen them in 10 years, or stopping under the big tree over the Faculty of Humanities and Education before running to your next class? This was a simple luxury that we just couldn't have - at least not for now.

Nonetheless, I was still excited about University. This excitement sadly took a very depressing turn by the second week. Everything seemed to be hitting me at the speed of light! My Critical Reading and Writing assignments were due tomorrow, I had a Philosophy essay to complete for the next day and a pop quiz for my Spanish class! What was this? Is this what I really signed up for? Yes, yes it was, I had to disappointingly tell myself. I felt overwhelmed with all the work that had to be done and it got to that point where I felt like University was not for someone like me.

I am an Imposter

Just like an Imposter in 'Among Us', I felt like the OG IMPOSTER at the University of the West Indies. Pree dis... I really thought that University is a place for the academically elite, the creme de la creme - the cream of the crop. But then I was there. It didn't add up. In just two weeks I was already drowning and I had made up my mind to sell Cal's bag juice downtown (the red ones because those sell really fast). I was mentally searching where would have been the best spot to set up shop, or maybe I'd be like one of those men who were always walking around with their igloos - I chose the latter. It was a done deal for me. But the reality was that I had already paid my $286,897 plus my $16,110 for miscellaneous fees, I had to stay put, at least for now.

Therefore I used the money that I paid for my tuition as motivation to get through my first year (because chileee I am NOT from a rich family). That seemed to help me just a bit. I was still suffering from anxiety. What if I failed these courses? How would I re-do them when I have no money? I feel like I am not learning anything - which company would want to hire someone who lacks knowledge within their field? My mind was all over the place.

Okay, but does this have a happy ending? Did I remain that imposter or did I evolve? Here is what happened. I remembered completing an assignment for my IMCC1010 course (Fundamentals of Integrated Communication Planning) and I received great feedback from my tutor. This assignment allowed me to showcase my creativity and this was the boost that I needed to prove to myself that I actually belonged at the UWI. Determined to continue on this path of really putting my all into my assignments helped. Once I confronted the obvious Imposter Syndrome that I had developed I could see the changes. It was an A for that IMCC1010 assignment, then another A for my Philosophy essay and the amazing grades just started rolling in. This boosted my confidence in myself and my abilities. I realized that constantly doubting what I am capable of and comparing myself to other people does nothing but cause problems.

I decided to challenge that side of me that constantly spouts negativity. I had a goal and I created an action plan - although it was difficult, I was successful. At the end of my first semester, although I aimed for a 3.7 GPA, I received a 3.6 and this landed me on the Dean's Honour Roll for 2020.

The truth is that you will feel like an imposter at least once in your lifetime. Everyone is different, your abilities are unique from everyone else's and your experiences and path will be just as different. I want you to understand how important it is to focus on you, your abilities, your goals, and your path because that is the only way you will really be able to be your kind of successful.

It turns out that I was never an Imposter at the UWI, and you aren't either - NEVER FORGET IT!